Saturday, October 15, 2016

How to Be Single

Have any of you noticed that the hot topic of the moment is "being single"? Even though I have been cutting back on social media lately I still have been bombarded by videos and blog posts on it and I thought that as an expert on the topic myself that I should share what being single has been like for me for the last (nearly) 25 years.

I have never had a boyfriend. In a way I wish I had experienced a high school or university relationship but those times in my life were very tough and I think it may have made me even more fragile at the time.

Why am I single?
  • Up until the age of 21 or so I was too shy and lacked enough confidence to ever tell anyone I liked them.
  • I have self sabotaged by setting up my friends with the guys I've liked, just so were are around me but didn't have the "misfortune of dating me". 
  • I have a protective bubble - like a force field - that knocks back people from metres away. I'm working on eliminating this bubble but it takes time. 
  • I've not met a guy in years that I have been attracted to. It's made me question my sexual orientation and I'm probably somewhere on the bisexual scale but when I picture my future I picture myself with a husband.

What are the benefits of being single?

  • You get a whole bed to yourself.
  • You don't have to work around anyone else's routine; you can do what you want when you want.
  • There's no need to compromise when you're single. It's the time in your life where you truly get to live the way you want to live.
  • You have a lot of time to pursue the things you're passionate about.
  • You can work a lot and start to make a lot of money. I have two jobs which keeps me pretty busy and I love having the extra money at the beginning of the month. 
  • There's no relationship drama. The amount of my friends with boyfriends that tell me all about the drama they experience with their partner makes me grateful that I am not dating them. 
  • You learn what you need from a partner. I think this is such an important one. If more people were single in their late teens/early twenties I think there would be a higher success rate for long term relationships and people would be happier in their relationships. I know that anyone I am going to date needs to have similar values to me as those are my foundation. Similar interests would be great also as my hobbies and interests take up so much of my time. 

Do I want a boyfriend?
Well of course. But in a way I wish I was already coupled up so my lifestyle didn't have to change too much and we could just sit on the lounge watching tv and movies.

Am I happy being single?
I think so. Being single has really helped me get to know myself and overcome a lot of issues that I've had since childhood that other people would call "baggage". Sure, everyone has baggage to some degree but I think I just have a carry on case now and I can carry that myself. If someone else wants to open the case and take a look that is great, but the case is mine and mine only. My baggage isn't the size of a shipping container that I want someone else to transport around. I think being single really allows you to put time into yourself and improve yourself.

I don't think I am the happiest I could be in life but I'm definitely not miserable and I don't think my happiness lies within other people anyway.

What would I recommend doing if you are single?
  • See a psychologist. I don't think there is a single person on the planet who doesn't need to see a psychologist at some point in their lives. The best time to go is when you're single. I went from March 2013 to December 2014 and in that time I overcame a lot of grief and depression I had felt from when my dad passed away when I was 8. I learned to love myself a bit more, and I gained confidence in myself. If you are going to see a psychologist I highly recommend seeking out one yourself. I found mine by googling "psychologist [suburb]". I looked through the list and instantly found the one for me and I loved her. If I wasn't her patient I would have wanted to be her friend and I know she felt the same way. 
  • Try some hobbies and find what you love doing. My personality is drawn to the arts so I go to concerts, craft a lot, take photos, write, and recently got really into spirituality and personality types. It's great if you can find something that changes a lot or is something that is constantly evolving so it can be a lifelong hobby or interest if you want it to be. 
  • Learn to take care of yourself. This is a great point that Hannah Witton mentioned in her video on the topic. You will gain confidence in yourself and know that no matter what happens you can keep yourself alive and do everything yourself when you need to. This involves knowing how to manage your money and do taxes, cook healthy recipes, even exploring your sexuality, going to the movies alone, and doing everything just for you. 
  • Take photos of yourself. I've noticed that people take more photos when in relationships which sure, makes sense. But you don't want to have periods of your life missing just because you were single. Take photos of yourself so you can remember the time in your life where you grew and learned so much. 
  • Expand your circle. This is easier said than done but if you are able to expand your friendship group, definitely do so. If you want to meet new people and possibly form new relationships or friendships then you need to expand your circle. You never know who you will meet through someone else. 
  • Buy yourself flowers. Don't wait around for a guy (or girl) to buy you flowers. 

I'd love to hear about what being single has been like for any of you so please leave a comment so we can chat some more. ♥


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