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Monday, June 15, 2015

Love and Fear

It's been nearly two months since I last updated this blog. Honestly, I don't have much of an excuse but at the same time I haven't been doing much for feeling very passionate about anything enough to post it here. I've never been one of those bloggers who is able to schedule their posts because when I reread something I've written in the past it doesn't sound like me anymore and I always want whatever I post on here to be completely authentic to who I am at the time.


I've written about changes on this blog before as it's kind of a thing that I've always struggled with. Change has always been thrust onto me while I try to hide from it. My life is a blank canvas right now and it's up to me to decide what my life is going to be and take the steps to make my dreams a reality. The problem is that I'm scared to make things happen. Everything has just kind of happened in my life in the past while I worked on my mental and emotional health but now I'm great and it's tie for me to take the reigns in regards to my own life.

Something I was really scared to do last time I updated was to get my wisdom teeth out. Surprisingly, it went really well and smoothly. Every time I've been scared of something it's never as bad as I made it out to be in my head and even though I've overcome many of my fears, for some reason fear of rejection keeps me from putting myself out there.

Honestly, the majority of my time over the last couple of months has been spent relaxing and doing a lot of reading and research on spirituality and souls. I'm finding more and more that those are the types of topics I'm interested in and it's hard to connect with others that don't have the same interest or passion. One of the recurring themes I kept hearing was about how you can live out of love, or out of fear. I used to use the word 'hate' a lot but now it has disappeared from my vocabulary and been replaced with fear instead. I really think love versus fear is something worth thinking about. They are both very powerful emotions that affect us all on a daily basis and shape the way we live our lives. I really don't think religion is for me (even if this song is really catchy and sentimental), but I really want to explore spirituality a lot more.

To make sure I begin to make changes, this is my current list of goals for the next 12 months:
  1. Learn to drive (get my P's by February)
  2. Get a job
  3. Move out
I'm going to try to update more. I promise it won't all be long-winded posts like these.  ♥

2 comments:

  1. It's nice to hear from you Erin :)

    I can relate to a lot of this, I think it's pretty easy to feel like life is just happening to you for a long time. In a weird round about way I long for high school when I knew what was around the corner because it was more of the same, and there were no choices to be made, I would finish High School. Now I am often confronted with making choices that may change the rest of my life, and I am given opportunities to work toward things I want to have in my life, and if I don't do that now, I may not do it because no one will ever force me. We have so much choice, which as amazing as it is, can be terrifying if you aren't sure exactly where you want to go.

    I'm looking forward to following your journey though and I'm excited to see where it takes you :)

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    1. Thanks for commenting Meg :)

      High school's funny because all you want while you're there is to not have to go there and then you're out in the world and it's all up to you. It's really a jarring feeling - luckily I was able to defer it for another couple of years by going to uni. I actually really miss school - more things happened and it felt both monotonous but exciting, interesting and evolving at the same time. Life as a 23 year old is 'happy free confused and lonely' as Taylor Swift would say - for some reason the confusion is taking over right now. :/

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