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Saturday, January 17, 2015

2015

I honestly cannot believe we're two and a half weeks into the New Year already. I know I probably should've written this post on the first day of the year but honestly, I didn't want to write it when I was full of hope and determination and ready to tackle my New Year's Resolutions because I knew I would fail. And I did - it took me less than 3 hours to fail at my resolution of eating healthy and honestly, my eating habits have gotten progressively worse since then. I'm not sure if it's the New Years Blues or something else, but I want to get it back on track but honestly, I'm not guaranteeing anything or making promises to myself that I know will be broken because who wants to start a year that way? Not me.


But back to 2014.... 2014 ended quite differently to how it started;

  • I started 2014 with a lot of job satisfaction and ended with basically none.
  • I was very lonely and introverted at the start of the year but ended the year a lot more outgoing and willing to experience new things. Actually, on the final day of the year I was at Wet 'n' Wild with my cousins so I started 2015 with a terrible sunburn which was painful but the redness and sensitivity of my skin was a reminder of the person I became in the second half of 2014 - an outgoing, confident, person who feels slightly more comfortable in my own skin.
  • At the start of 2014 I was dealing with a lot of emotional issues I was trying to work through and grief that was left over from my dad's death; but now I am at peace. I've reached a place where I can remember him and smile, where I can learn things about him by asking my mum and getting to see her face light up when she talks about him, but hear her struggle to talk with a lump in her throat. I've been able to piece together who and what he was from the small collection of photo albums and documents he left behind and that's so incredibly valuable to me. I hope now that I've reached this place that he's been able to move to a higher level of being and now my life can truly begin because my heart and mind are not so heavy.
  • At the beginning of 2014 I became a feminist. It was actually exactly one year ago to the day that I became a feminist and it actually grows stronger every day as I learn more about how being female impacts every part of my way of being and thinking and the way people treat me, as well as all the hurdles that women around the world have to overcome just to be heard and to feel safe. 
  • Friendships were lost but came back again in 2014. It's strange, there was a point in the middle of the year where I had a complete friendship shift - I lost one of my best friends and gained a different one back that I hadn't spoken to much. I've got them both back now and I'm very grateful for that. 




So, 2015.....

  • Now that it's a new year and I'm approaching my 24th year of life (I'm 23 next Thursday - EEEEP) I feel ready to smash down the walls I've built around myself over the last decade or so. I'm never going to be the person who wants to do everything and experience everything for myself because honestly, I don't get a lot of joy or satisfaction from that. It's feelings and thoughts and memories that stay with me and I suppose I want to feel more, to be more passionate and open to experiences in 2015 and hopefully only good things can come from that.
  • I also want to start working on projects - I really want to release a book one day - a personal collection of memories, words & photographs - a memoir if you will. I think it's something I could even self-publish if I wanted to so there's really nothing stopping me from working on it except my own laziness and doubts about my success. 
  • Something I really want to look into is spirituality. Not necessarily religion because I am very dubious about large parts of it, but I am open to discovering more about the belief system. The reason this is on my mind is because I got a palm reading done the other day and numerous times things surrounding spirituality were brought up and I was also told I have a block in the area. In 2014 I felt a little bit spiritually lost and disconnected and I think it is something I want to get back on track because it adds a lot to my life.
  • A lot of things will be changing this year. I think I've spoken about changes before, but I haven't experienced a change as big as what's coming up since I was 10 years old. I'm moving pretty soon - in the next couple of months I'll be leaving my job and moving to Newcastle. It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I don't like the Gold Coast - I never liked it when I was younger and it hasn't grown on me in the 10+ years that I've been living here. When I was younger I thought that when I was 18 I would move out of home and get married and have kids right away, but life hasn't worked out that way. In a way, I'm still bitter, but in another I'm so grateful that I've had these 6 (EEP) years to grow and to learn and to change. I think self discovery and growth will always be very important to me but I think 18-25 is such an important time in your life to discover who you are and what you want out of life. I would've been such a different person if I didn't stay here these years since high school. 
  • I want to find a way to change up my daily routine. I hate getting up at 6:15 for work, having a bath, washing my hair, shaving my legs, putting on a black dress, going on youtube, eating breakfast, putting on makeup, going to the train station and getting a bus to work. That is literally becoming torture for me and I detest having to get up in the morning. I know it won't be for much longer, but at my next job I hope to switch it up so I don't dislike getting up in the morning. Possibly incorporating Yoga into my routine would be a good idea (thanks to Meg for that one!). 
  • I think I want to express myself on this blog in pictures, rather than words, or at least combine them both with a more equal ratio (Kasia inspired that one). I will never completely give up on the words, but I just wish to capture more images and share them, rather oversharing my personal thoughts, especially now that they're not as interesting or as deep as they used to be. I'll always be a words-first kind of person (some people are visual thinkers, I think in words so they're with me every day, every minute, every millisecond) but I want to grow more and experience things through my body instead of being overrun by my mind.  


Congratulations if you made it to the end of the post - you deserve a meringue! I don't think 2015 will be easy, but I think it will be exciting, different and new and I hope you're still here a year from now to experience it with me. ♥

8 comments:

  1. I hope 2015 brings you all the happiness in the world! I also understand the pain of making new years resolutions and never sticking to them so this year I tried to be realistic, so I guess we'll see how that goes. I also really liked your resolution about trying to mix up your daily routine. I also have a habit of doing the same things continuously so I look forward to seeing how you manage that! Good luck with everything :)

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    1. Thanks so much lovely!

      It's interesting because I had the same routine when I was in high school for 5 years but I think because I didn't wear makeup then I found it a lot easier. I also would skip breakfast a lot which would cut 20 minutes off my morning routine so I didn't have to wake up as early.

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  2. My dearest Erin, 2014 brought so many new and fascinating things and I strongly believe 2015 will be better! :) I have always adored your photography, so I am happy you want to post more and more of that. I will be sticking around for that! Kisses! :)

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    1. Ahh thank you! For some reason in 2014 I found it really hard to pick up the camera and document things - I think it's because I find the Gold Coast so utterly uninspiring but hopefully when I move I'll be able to discover new places that inspire me. :)

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  3. And I absoluteky love the photo of you looking back at the polaroid wall. Such a beautiful methaphor for looking back at 2014 :))

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  4. I was like nodding my head the whole way through and then I got to the yoga bit and I was like YESSS! I have been doing it for like two weeks and I feel like a boss. It makes you feel better and to me that is the most important reason to do it. (buying new workout clothes is a great motivator! haha)

    This forward thinking and positive attitude is so good too! It really impresses me how healthy you are in your self reflection. I love it!
    Also I feel like we share so many ideologies and just have a generally similar worldview. I'd love to have drinks and talk politics with you.
    I love that you are so sure in your feminism and proud, more young women need to be proud to be feminists because it is a fundamentally positive concept that is warped and stigmatised by the very thing it opposes. Inequality and the patriarchy. It disheartens me so much when women say they aren't feminists because they don't hate men but they believe in equality! That is being a feminist!
    I consider you my sister in feminism :)

    Also on the spirituality front I think we are similar, I am not religious but I am always interested in thinking about things in different ways and learning about myself. It's a great thing to say consciously that you want to explore, I hope it brings you a lot of happiness :) x

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    1. Ahhhh I always look forward to any comments from you! I also agree that we're quite similar in our views & attitudes towards the world and other things. :)

      I honestly can barely remember what it was like to not be a feminist - it's always been so ingrained in me but I think the label just got to me because one time a girl who called herself a feminist attacked me for wanting marriage and children more than anything else which gave me a negative view of the whole concept. She was in high school at the time so hopefully she just wasn't very developed at the time and has changed her attitude since then. I think some people think feminism is about all women being strong and having autonomy and being a career woman - obviously that has its place, but there's so many more important things that feminism fights for than simply character traits and personal wants and goals.

      Here's to meeting and chatting in person someday! *clinks glass*

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I appreciate every single comment and do my best to respond to every one. If you would like to connect further you can find me on twitter at @BeingErinBlog.