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Thursday, December 18, 2014

On my quarter life crisis.

Last year after I graduated university I had a bit of a quarter life crisis. I felt lost and confused, but mostly overwhelmed as I realised that for the first time the next year of my life wasn't planned out for me and that everything was up to me from now on. All of these feelings really brought up a lot of issues for me revolving around my dad - I desperately wished he was there at the time to be my guiding light whilst I attempted to navigate my way through choppy seas. But he wasn't, he still isn't, and never will be again. At least not in a physical sense.


An amazing thing happened though - I started to see a counsellor, grieve his death all over again, and then miraculously move on. I honestly never thought that I would ever overcome the grief but I have. And in the process I've managed to learn so much more about my dad and get a picture of who he was. I've discovered cards he wrote my mum, documents such as school report cards and paperwork from when he started his own business, childhood photos, family vacations and so much more. My mum and I have been able to have open conversations about him and their relationship. One of my favourite anecdotes my mum told me recently was how they got back together after a six month break. One random night my mum said to her roommate that she was going "Craig hunting". Mum went to the local bar where she knew dad was every Friday night, walked up to him (he was with another girl) and said something along the lines of "what are we doing tonight?" He left the other girl, and mum and dad were together until the day that he died.


I initially started this post with a different end point, but as I wrote this is the conclusion that I've come to - the holidays are hard. Maybe you are missing someone, maybe it's not the happiest time of the year for you, maybe you're struggling. I've been there and it sucks. It hurts so bad and you think it will never get better, but it will. It truly will. You just need time. Let yourself grieve, hurt and be sad for as long as you need to. But I promise one day you'll wake up and realise that it doesn't hurt as bad as it once did. ♥

4 comments:

  1. love this post <3 thanks for sharing and shining hope!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is really lovely, I am so glad that you have been able to make so much progess, you have a lot to be proud of :)

    ReplyDelete

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