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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Life & Bloggers Block


Lack of inspiration and completely bored with my life sums up everything at the moment. It's strange because I've felt like this for quite a while, nearly the whole year in fact but I guess this is me just finally expressing it. For the better part of 2014 so far I've been very unmotivated, lonely. Last year was quite a monumental one for me as I graduated from university, got my first job and most importantly, started seeing a psychologist so I could overcome the grief I was still holding on to. With a lot of hard work the psychologist really helped and I've found peace and have overcome the grief that was holding be back so much. I was clutching at that grief and nothing else since I was 8 years old (11 years) and going into 2014 I knew I would be different because it was gone. Now I'm stuck in a place where I don't really know what to do with myself because it's no longer there.

In a way I grieve all the opportunities I lost whilst grieving the loss of my dad. School really isn't a time you get back and I really wish I could relive it and do it differently.


I haven't really experienced anything most twenty-somethings have. Never had a real relationship, smoked anything or had a hangover. Never had a best friend I did absolutely everything with or travelled to an exotic location in the summer. I've never even taken a risk. In a way I grieve that I'm not a super fun, adventurous person. Viewing life from the sidelines and that makes it really hard to be the leading lady of your own life.

The worst thing is that I know this isn't something I should moan about, I know that it can change and that it's all down to me. It's my own fault and I'm my own worst enemy. I am fortunate and privileged enough to grow up somewhere where I could have or be nearly anything, yet I'm nothing. The one thing I know will truly make me happy is having a family of my own and that life seems so far away.

Anyway, I think I'm going to take a little hiatus from this blog. Though every time I say something like this I'm all of a sudden struck with inspiration. Talk soon. ♥

3 comments:

  1. oh dear, I miss you already! I will be waiting! take care of yourself :)

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  2. I hope you enjoy some time for yourself and feel refreshed :)

    We all have things to improve on, and no one is all the things that an early twenties person should be. It's important that you're striving to do the things that matter to you, but don't be hard on yourself because you're pretty great and no one can do everything :)

    ReplyDelete

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