Tuesday, 24 June 2014

For My Mother.

Captured this photo at sunrise this morning - it was incredible.
Last night I was in bed watching the Kardashians and started crying. The storyline that started it all was Khloe and Kendall being really mean to their mum, Kris. I could relate, it's so easy to use my mum as a metaphorical punching bag and watching how Kris reacted made me feel really guilty about how I treat my mum, as she reacts in a very similar way to Kris.

My mum does a lot for me, things I don't even realise. This afternoon she picked me up from work and sitting on the passenger seat was a box wrapped in bubble wrap. It ended up being Rosabotanica by Balenciaga, the brand Kristen Stewart is affiliated with (I adore her and have for years). Mum got it for free from work but she had to go out of her way to get it for me. I didn't know about it until I got in the car but she told me that she had to ask for it twice - the first time it got lost in the mail. Also over the weekend mum was shopping and brought me home a mug that says I'm not Stubborn, my way is just Better. Honestly I don't even use mugs, I really like having and collecting them but I never use them because I prefer a plastic cup or mason jar but she got it for me anyway. And it was aqua/mint colour - my favourite colour.

Sometimes when I'm really down I'll think awful things about my mum, sometimes I think it's because if I tell myself those things it won't hurt as badly if I lose her but other times it's genuine frustration. She's the person I get most fired up about and have a very short fuse with and I really want to work on it. She's given me a great life and has worked really hard to do so. Unlike myself, she's a very selfless and generous person and there's a lot I can learn from her.

So starting today, I'm going to make sure to say thank you to her a lot more than I currently do and try to work on making us a lot closer than I feel we are. Or maybe just try to recognise and be aware of the ways she expresses love. Words and depth of connection and closeness is how I express love - if I'm vulnerable with someone and they don't run away I feel really close to them. My mum buys gifts and does things to express her love. Either way, I need to stop being ungrateful and nasty to her, even though I don't really mean it. Our relationship has come a long way, especially in the last 18 months or so but still a little honesty, patience and understanding on my behalf will go a long way.

8 comments:

  1. Oh family - it's such a push and pull between love and hate but we deep down love them always, even when they (and we) are at our most frustrating

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    1. lovely words. thanks hun :)

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  2. Mothers are the most selfless people around, in my opinion. My mum's done and sacrificed lots for me, to make sure I live a good life. I really do appreciate her but sometimes don't show it either. That's something you and I shall work on better expressing, then. :)

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    1. Very true Rachel. It's so easy to take them for granted even though they give up so much of their life for us. x

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  3. so sweet! I have learnt to appreciate my mother few years ago when I finally grew up.

    Katrina Sophia Blog

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    1. That's so great. Some people go their whole life not ever appreciating all that they do. x

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  4. I can relate to a lot of this. It's so powerful that you can identify this about yourself and put it into words. Your mum sounds amazing like many mums, and it's nice to get to an age where we as daughters are contributing to a healthy relationship with our mothers just as much as they are.

    The best thing I have in my life is my relationship with my mum but I'm not perfect and so it's good to take a step back and be appreciative :)

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  5. What beautiful words. I have a very fractured relationship with my mum, but I definitely try and make an effort to let her know how much I appreciate her.

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