|Captured this photo at sunrise this morning - it was incredible.|
My mum does a lot for me, things I don't even realise. This afternoon she picked me up from work and sitting on the passenger seat was a box wrapped in bubble wrap. It ended up being Rosabotanica by Balenciaga, the brand Kristen Stewart is affiliated with (I adore her and have for years). Mum got it for free from work but she had to go out of her way to get it for me. I didn't know about it until I got in the car but she told me that she had to ask for it twice - the first time it got lost in the mail. Also over the weekend mum was shopping and brought me home a mug that says I'm not Stubborn, my way is just Better. Honestly I don't even use mugs, I really like having and collecting them but I never use them because I prefer a plastic cup or mason jar but she got it for me anyway. And it was aqua/mint colour - my favourite colour.
Sometimes when I'm really down I'll think awful things about my mum, sometimes I think it's because if I tell myself those things it won't hurt as badly if I lose her but other times it's genuine frustration. She's the person I get most fired up about and have a very short fuse with and I really want to work on it. She's given me a great life and has worked really hard to do so. Unlike myself, she's a very selfless and generous person and there's a lot I can learn from her.
So starting today, I'm going to make sure to say thank you to her a lot more than I currently do and try to work on making us a lot closer than I feel we are. Or maybe just try to recognise and be aware of the ways she expresses love. Words and depth of connection and closeness is how I express love - if I'm vulnerable with someone and they don't run away I feel really close to them. My mum buys gifts and does things to express her love. Either way, I need to stop being ungrateful and nasty to her, even though I don't really mean it. Our relationship has come a long way, especially in the last 18 months or so but still a little honesty, patience and understanding on my behalf will go a long way.