As most of us do, I have many regrets. I've never been one of those people who say "no regrets" - I feel far too guilty and embarrassed inside to ever think like that. Of course I probably wouldn't change any of it because I've learned a lot but it doesn't make the things I've done any less sucky.
- I've always been quite a nice person but there was that one girl in high school I bitched about a lot behind her back. I really regret that and feel awful about it still to this day even though I haven't seen her in over four years.
- Not hugging anyone, especially the boy I had a massive crush on in high school when he asked for one. Basically long story short - he was leaving the school and I was hanging around the lockers where he was like everyone and waited until it was just us left. He asked me for a hug and I refused.
- Grieving for so long. My dad died when I was 8 and my pop died a few years after that and both of those deaths really made me angry and depressed. I regret letting it get me down so much. I wish I had felt about it back then the way I do now which is - use them as inspiration to achieve and grow and learn and do well. I wallowed in my misery and I regret that.
- Not letting Pop brush my hair that one time. When we were staying with Nan & Pop once I had just gotten out of the shower and he wanted to brush my hair like he used to with mum's. It was in my "boys have cooties/nobody touch me" phase and I was awful about it.
- Having a fight with mum on the way to school. Basically we were fighting about my hair because it just wasn't working that day and I was getting frustrated and basically I ended up hitting mum with my hair brush and then she hit me with it. It was not a good day.
- Nearly drowning my brother. This one is the worst and I feel guilty about it whenever I even think about it. In about 2002 I was in a really bad place. Mum had just started dating her current partner and had decided to think about moving to Queensland so we came up to the Gold Coast for a holiday (it was basically a house search). We were staying at this hotel with a lot of really awesome pools and my brother and I were in there at around 6 pm so it was getting dark. We had a fight and I held him under the water. I can't even explain how sick I feel writing this. I would be devastated if I had actually hurt my brother - he's my favourite person I know and I'm so lucky that I got to grow up with him.
- Back in grades 5-6 I had a really good friend named Chloe. We would hang out all the time and we had yearly passes to Dreamworld so either one of our parents would take us & our siblings quite often. I was having a really bad day one day and our friendship was basically over after that. I don't even remember what happened, I think I was rude to her dad or something - I think I can't remember it just because I was so angry or upset. I really regret that friendship ending because I really liked that family.
- Farting in the car. I'm not one for bodily functions but when we were on holidays we were driving in the car and I had to fart. It was raining so we couldn't wind down the windows but it was smelly and they over-exaggerated it. The reason I regret this is because they bring it up a lot and I fucking hate it. They don't understand how embarrassed and disgusted I feel whenever they bring it up. I am not someone that finds bodily functions amusing and they are. Whatever.
- Just a couple of weeks ago I yelled out to my brother: "Tom, are you gay?" Two of my friends were there and we were discussing it. I had been stressing over how to ask him it for months and it just came out. I never say things before I think and this was the one time when I did and probably the worst. He basically laughed and went out of the room. I still don't know the answer but I think it's a yes. (July 2015: he's gay and came out to me in mid-2014.)
- Never telling the boy from #2 I liked him. Sure he's a drug dealer now but I really think we could've been a good couple back in school. It's the old "you regret what you didn't do".
If you're feeling brave and want to share your regrets on your blog, link me because I'd love to read them. Surely they can't be worse than mine....