Why don't I do things? Why am I so static? Why so stuck?
It's so easy to blame others or even the world for this but really it's just the way I am. I'm not a doer. I'm a thinker. I ponder what I believe are the bigger questions in life. I don't do extreme things like skydiving to feel what it's like to fall through the sky back to earth. I feel emotions. And intimate gestures. Like having my hand held. Or watching One Tree Hill and feeling so close and connected to the show that my heart actually aches.
I was feeling really bad about this a couple of weeks ago. Thoughts flooded my head. Why don't you do things? You're so lame. Nobody will remember you once you're gone. You don't do anything impressive. You have experienced nothing. You're not memorable. Everyone will forget you.
I decided to watch One Tree Hill as a pick-me-up and it happened that I was watching season 3 and Hot Uncle Cooper said to Lucas: It's not what you do that matters, Luke. It's about who you are.
Uncontrollable tears fell from my eyes at that moment. It was the message I needed to hear. I needed to hear that doing things doesn't make a great or memorable person. Touching someone's heart does.
I wish I was a doer. But it's okay that I'm not. ♥