Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Life & Bloggers Block

Lack of inspiration and completely bored with my life sums up everything at the moment. It's strange because I've felt like this for quite a while, nearly the whole year in fact but I guess this is me just finally expressing it. For the better part of 2014 so far I've been very unmotivated, lonely. Last year was quite a monumental one for me as I graduated from university, got my first job and most importantly, started seeing a psychologist so I could overcome the grief I was still holding on to. With a lot of hard work the psychologist really helped and I've found peace and have overcome the grief that was holding be back so much. I was clutching at that grief and nothing else since I was 8 years old (11 years) and going into 2014 I knew I would be different because it was gone. Now I'm stuck in a place where I don't really know what to do with myself because it's no longer there.

In a way I grieve all the opportunities I lost whilst grieving the loss of my dad. School really isn't a time you get back and I really wish I could relive it and do it differently.

I haven't really experienced anything most twenty-somethings have. Never had a real relationship, smoked anything or had a hangover. Never had a best friend I did absolutely everything with or travelled to an exotic location in the summer. I've never even taken a risk. In a way I grieve that I'm not a super fun, adventurous person. Viewing life from the sidelines and that makes it really hard to be the leading lady of your own life.

The worst thing is that I know this isn't something I should moan about, I know that it can change and that it's all down to me. It's my own fault and I'm my own worst enemy. I am fortunate and privileged enough to grow up somewhere where I could have or be nearly anything, yet I'm nothing. The one thing I know will truly make me happy is having a family of my own and that life seems so far away.

Anyway, I think I'm going to take a little hiatus from this blog. Though every time I say something like this I'm all of a sudden struck with inspiration. Talk soon.

Monday, 14 July 2014

Things I'm (Hopefully) Going To Do Before 2015

It's hard to believe that we're half way through the year already. I've mentioned on this blog before that I'm not a doer and never have been. My whole life I've been an observer and non-participant but I really want that to change and for my life to be filled with experience and memories so that when I'm 80 I can remember all the things I did when I was young. This is just taking a small step but I'm hoping it leads to bigger and better opportunities and experiences in the future.
  • Gain 50 hours of driving experience
  • Experience the Ekka - we used to go with school nearly every year and I haven't been since
  • Swim in the ocean - I live 5 minutes from the beach and have not been swimming in years
  • Visit my new baby cousin Thomas
  • Go to Byron Bay with two of my best friends for the day
  • Host a dinner party - go crazy with the decor and gift bags
  • Babysit
  • Go to putt putt
  • Ride a bike
  • Go on an Op Shopping day - go to 5 different ones
  • Make a new friends
  • Read 3 novels
  • Reconnect with a friend I've lost touch with
  • Finish a screenplay
  • Get started on a Certificate III of Diploma in Children's Services
  • Go to a concert
  • Take a chance by telling someone how I feel
  • Say "I love you" to someone and mean it
  • Buy a record player
Also, thank you to everyone who responded to my latest blog post, I really enjoyed reading your responses and thoughts on the culture of "want" that seems to be so prominent at the moment. 

Friday, 11 July 2014


"I want...." is a phrase I say a lot. Last night I was thinking about it and made a promise with myself to stop saying it so much. I'm very fortunate and have a lot, most of which I don't enjoy anywhere near as much as I should. The second I buy something, I want something else. Laying in bed thinking about it last night made me think to myself why don't I just enjoy what I do have which is a lot more than millions of other people? 

Unknowingly, most of us are a product of consumerism. Money to me is something to be both saved and enjoyed, but there has to be a healthy balance. Spending money on things I don't need but merely want is a waste. The money I spend on frivolous objects could be saved and then used to make my dreams come true.

When does the wanting stop? I want stuff, and I want love and I want to feel connected and I want new friends and I want to be a mother. Even if I'm lucky to have all of those things, the want for more isn't going to stop. The second we reach a goal we set a new one. We keep wanting more and are never satisfied with what we're lucky .

Now that I've gained a little bit of perspective on the whole thing I'm going to vow to enjoy and use what I have, want less and create more. Let me know your thoughts on this topic - I'll be really interested to hear your views on this subject.
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